Have you ever been chased by a cow? I have. And believe me, it’s the most terrifying experience you can have. The year was 1976. I had gone to visit my sister at her government flat. Being a sarkari colony there were usually no animals lurking, crouching or wandering on the roads.
My motorcycle was parked outside the gate and when I came out after bidding my sister goodbye, I saw a cow standing on the other side of the road, which was one of those 30ft-wide things with ditches on either side. The cow was looking at me placidly while chewing something. There was no menace at all. I climbed on to my bike and kicked the starter when, absolutely out of the blue, for no reason at all, the cow started running towards me. I was taken completely by surprise, as would you be. So in panic I put the bike in gear and shot off. But in my fright, I had forgotten to switch the fuel on.
Soon the bike stuttered to a stop. The cow was still coming at me and I did the only thing that any self-respecting man would do. I leapt off the bike letting it fall with a thud and jumped over a 5-feet-hedge to the safety of someone’s garden. The cow whizzed by and was soon gone. But I was shaking and feeling utterly foolish. My knees were trembling and my hands quivering with fear. It took me some time to recover and finally I was able to drive away. That happened 49 years ago and I still get goosebumps when I recall the fear and embarrassment. Chased by a cow, of all of God’s creatures on earth!
The next time was in 2012. I was living in Chennai for a year. I had gone for my usual morning walk at 5am. That’s when it’s still dark and no traffic. Or so I thought. I was on an inner lane when, suddenly, out came a two-wheeler from inside a house. It was going quite fast and would have hit me if I hadn’t jumped out of the way. Like the cow 36 years earlier, the driver shot off, oblivious to my shock and the indignity of banging my knee against a car. I also twisted my ankle quite badly and it hurts sometimes even now. Since then, I have been very scared of cows and two-wheelers, especially the latter. The new electric ones don’t make any sound at all. They go past, silent as snakes. You can get hit if the driver doesn’t stop looking at his phone.
Silent cows and soundless bikes, I thought, would be the sum total of dangers on roads until a few weeks ago I discovered a new threat: backpacks. It happened like this. I was trying to get into a lift which had, as far as I could see, only three people in it. It was a large office building and the lift was spacious. Yet, I was unable to get in. I kept trying to push my way through but there was no space. The doors slid shut and squeezed my shoulders quite hard. I more-or-less collapsed into the lift and as it started its descent, I saw what the problem was. There were three people — two male and one female — who were carrying normal sized backpacks but which they had stuffed in such a way that each pack jutted out about two feet. That’s like having three other people in the lift. As there were three of these people it meant the volume occupied by them was equivalent to nine people. I was the tenth, which is why I couldn’t get in easily.
So watch out for cows, electric scooters and backpacks when you step out. They can cause you real injuries.