Last month I had the rare privilege of being an involuntary participant, albeit a passive one, in an animated discussion between some ladies on a matter of cosmic importance, namely, table setting. It happened like this. Three of my wife’s college friends came for lunch, or rather, stayed on for it, after an impromptu morning visit for a cup of coffee. When the food had been ordered, and my wife had instructed me to lay the table, one of the visiting ladies idly asked if the glasses I had fetched from the kitchen should be placed to the right or left of the plate. I was at a total loss. The glasses are for water, I said, so they will have to be to the left. Why, she asked. I said Indians eat with the fingers of their right hands and that it would be very messy and inconvenient to have the glass on the right. But, she said, the conventional way is to have it on the right. We argued a bit and finally I said ok, I will leave the glasses on the lazy Susan and you can help yourselves when you want to drink some water. This didn’t go down well because, as my wife told me later, it was very rude. For the life of me I couldn’t see why but, as usual, opted for discretion instead of valour. I did, however, google the rules for table setting.
It turned out to be quite an intricate thing. I had no idea it was so complicated. This is what Google said: “Forks are placed on the left, knives and spoons on the right, with utensils arranged from the outside in based on the order of use. Glasses are positioned above the knives, and the napkin can be placed to the left of the fork or on the plate”.
The instructions were very detailed. The bread plate, or what we call quarter plate I think, has to be on the upper left of the main plate. The butter knife is placed on top of it, nowhere else. Then the forks, aah, the forks. The big one with which you eat is placed closest to the main plate and the salad fork to its left. Then come the knives. The dinner knife has to be the closest to the dinner plate with, mind it, the blade facing inwards. To its right comes the salad knife, whatever it is. The spoons are next. The soup spoon is to the right of the knives.
All done? Not at all. The way the glassware is kept is also important. Water glasses go above the knives. Wine glasses go to the right of the water glass. A meal isn’t a meal without napkins, real ones, not those paper abominations. These cloth napkins can be placed to the left of the forks but never to the right. If you are less fastidious, the napkin can be left on the dinner plate. But only lazy people do that.
The rules of western style formal dining are crystal clear. But the thought struck me: what about an Indian style formal meal, especially if everyone is to sit on the floor in the traditional style and is served on a thali? That also seemed straightforward enough. There is no such thing as table setting because there is no table. In the south there are no plates, either. Food is served on banana leaves which is entirely eco-friendly.
Then an utterly dismaying thought came: when abroad, how do our diplomats serve a traditional Indian dinner? Dal, roti, rice and raita with knives, forks and spoons? Do they ask the guests to sit in a line on the floor? I think they should.